an audience of One

Tonight I found myself leaving a hotel on the back of a boda who I just met a few days ago (Loca, you'll hear more about him below) having just met the US Ambassador in Uganda  ... looking up at the star-filled sky on a cool night and actually familiar with the way to get home. 

God is good.
                                       All the time.
                                                                                   And all the time.

God is good.

I cannot believe it's already been over a week and a half since I've arrived! I am feeling much better than when I last posted. Things are still challenging, but I am steadily finding my ground here. I am getting more familiar with the town and how to live here. I can physically feel my faith pushing past its limits - and boy is it a work out! I try to express my feelings in analogies (I know Maceface feels me on that one!) to my friends and family. I feel like the past week I have been rock climbing. But instead of having a physical harness keeping me from falling, I have the Lord. There has always been the 'just in case' comfort of safety/stability in my heart and around me. While practically everything is stripped from me, I am able to need the Lord more than I ever have before. And I've learned to cherish and embrace that.

Steph (older sister) told me the other day that I have an audience of ONE. And that is Him. I have truly struggled with others' thoughts of me and performing properly. He gracefully revealed that to me this summer and is happy to scrape it off my heart and replace it with truth. Knowing that He is my only audience restores truth in my heart. I am not performing for others but living for Him. How I live over here, interact with the women/children/staff/locals - is all for Him. How I serve - is all for Him. And the best part? He's not a sneaky critic. He will let me know HIS expectations for me. Not my expectations of what I should be feeling/doing.. or anybody else's. Another truth He is reminding me of: He is SIMPLE. I get so wrapped up in lofty thoughts or theological questions which I rattle off to Him at a rate like I haven't spoken in years. I wonder if He thinks, 'goodness girl - slow down!'


God is a God of transformation. I am transforming right now, and I can feel it. I quickly feel the need to write down all of what I'm feeling/transforming into because I never want to forget it.. did you catch what I just did there? I'm negating the transformation. By feeling the need to jog my memory by reading it on a paper completely lacks confidence in what the Lord did through the transformation .. TRANSFORM ME. I still write to process things, but He will lead me in it. He will permanently transform me. I yearn to have each action be a reaction to the continual transformation from the grace of the Gospel.

Another thing He is surfacing in my heart/mind and wishes to scrape away is my fear. Fear is crippling and drives many unwanted emotions and thoughts that only make the enemy happy - who wants to do that? uh.. not me. (= By ridding myself of fear I reveal previously unrecognized potential. 

If I could describe my experience here so far in a picture.. it'd be this one. This summer marked the first that Faith was able to go off the diving board at the pool! Of course she had seen many people do it, but there's nothing like jumping off into deep waters surrendering all.

Since I have a larger audience of readers for my blog.. here are some stories/tidbits from the past week:

* Wednesday I was able to learn from Flora, one of the women with Zion Project, (she speaks english pretty well!) how to roll a certain type of bead. It was wonderful just to sit and be with the women, even if our words were few. My heart is settling in (=

* I live in the guesthouse with Sarah and Janet. Janet has two precious ones of her own (Stephen and Sarita) and is temporarily watching a littler one (Emmanuel/Emmy) until he is adopted. Sarita can't speak as much, but Stephen's mouth can run! However, I don't understand a lick of what he's saying unless he wants my attention and says "Auntie Auntie!" So I tossed speaking human language out the window and now communicate with him in animals noises. It goes like this:

me "meeeoowww"

him "meeeooowww"

me "oink oink!!"

 him "oink..." and is then interrupted by his contagious laughter.

   

Works out nicely, don'tchya think?

Just chillen with the rooms (Stephen in my stunnashades)

* Kids will point and shout or whisper "mzungu! mzungu!" which means white person. Some will reach out their hands just to touch you. I feel like part celebrity and part (bigger part) alien. (which Faith calls me when the Skype connection isn't the greatest)

* I was riding with Loca (the boda driver mentioned above) on Wednesday to get to the rescue home. Now, I don't normally try to hold a conversation while riding because: I'm mainly focusing on holding ON (but getting used to using that time for an ab workout to sit up straight and stay on) + the wind makes it hard for me to hear them + even when I CAN hear them, sometimes it's difficult for me to understand them =  lack of conversing. We are almost to the rescue home when Loca says:

"Why you no happy?"

"I am happy! Why do you think that?"

"You're not talking.. I want you to be happy like I am happy!"

Alright confession - here is why I wasn't talking. Sarah and I had just watched an episode of Once Upon a Time while we waited for the tropical downpour to pass... annnnd Prince Charming was dancing around my thoughts. What a stud! Now I know it's not good for my heart to dwell on things like that, so I started praying for MY prince charming. Yeah.. sound weird? Welcome to the world of my brain. Instead of daydreaming of a fictional character, I tried to spend my thoughts on praying for a REAL character that will soon come in some chapter of my fairy tale. 

Sorry Loca! I am happy! Promise!

* I have eggs for breakfast, beans and posho normally for lunch, and Sarah has been cooking wonderful food for dinner! Recently I've been able to make a nutella banana melt (go figure.. the first thing I make is a dessert), pb banana  yogurt smoothie, and avocado pasta! 

Simple

Sarah ahead of us on our way to the girl's home!

(more pictures to come on facebook!)

Remember when I said I was praying to be 80% funded by my departure? Welp.. guess who was OVER 80% FUNDED BY THEN?! That's right. This girl right here. So here's what I think - God is strong. We all know this. But I think sometimes God wants to flex His muscles. He's got muscles, but He is a gentleman who will wait to be asked to flex them. He's not showing off, but yet showing US His power.

"and we know that in ALL things God works for the Good of those who LOVE Him, who have been called according into His purpose" - Romans 8:28