sandy

"Auntie, Auntie!! Come look at the bird!" 

I was barely in the girls home and I already had 4 of them rushing me to see the bird (it took me a while to understand when they said 'bird'.. but I'm learning the accent!) They pull me into a room, then point me to the outside porch. My eyes automatically look up in the trees to find this bird.

"No Auntie.. on the ground!!" 

This was probably the hardest I've laughed since being here. They caught a bird! Not just any bird.. but Sandy (yep.. that's what they named it). After trying to convince them to let Sandy go, they proceeded to tell me they're going to eat it! And that's just what they did! I went to their home last night and asked where Sandy was. 

"He died." 

Did you eat Sandy? That was answered with shameless smiles and head nods. 

Afosina (left) and Charlie (right) excited to show off Sandy! 

Mercy is making sure to fatten Sandy up with water and milk (=

I cannot believe today marks 3 weeks of me living in Gulu! Time has flown by (a little faster than our friend Sandy.. unfortunately). Everyday I am getting more and more used to life here. My heart has been touched by the women/staff/locals and I am so thankful that He's placed me in Gulu. I am captivated by His beauty here.

In my last post, I mentioned the fear that was residing in me. We've (meaning me and God) worked on it since then - not to perfection, but great progress (= By plucking out any root of fear within me, I now have room for my trust in Him to grow. He cares about me more than I do. Many times I forget that. I rest in His sweet truth that "... You alone, Oh Lord, make me to dwell in safety." (Psalm 4:8) I am given the Holy Spirit to dress myself with through out the bright sunny day and wrap myself up in by the cool nights before I rest. He can take better care of me than I can, when I think fearing is the right thing to do. (what a refreshing relief!) 

I'm hesitant to fall in love with Gulu for the risk that I might want to stay here past June. Every uncertainty/hesitation has something better: TRUTH. In this case, it's true that the Lord will reveal to me the desires of His heart for me when the time is ready. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34) aka.. don't worry about 9 months later, either! I pray that my heart will align with His, and I know He desires what is best.

Prayer. Support. Sacrifice. Love. I have never experienced each of these to this extent ever. My family, friends, and people whom I've never met have been supporting me "... above all I could ever ask or imagine"(Ephesians 3:20). One of the factors that kept me from applying to volunteer with Zion Project was my family. I didn't want to leave them for so long and miss out on everything going on. I dreaded the thought of being updated from a distance. The Lord graciously lead me to another nugget of truth: 

"... Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand more." (Luke 12:48) 

and for me, those were my loved ones. I was given SO much when the Lord created them. It's funny how the one thing holding me back from wanting to go is now a catalyst for my sustained health, faith, and safety all through prayer. He equipped me with the most incredible family and lead me to the most wonderful friends FOR THIS JOURNEY. I am so blessed.

OUTREACH

Last Wednesday, Christine (one of the staff members) and I went for outreach. This is supposed to be a time when we go with all of the women to travel into communities and hospitals and pray over people. Since a lot of the women were sick, we traveled to their community to pray over them. They live in grass-roofed mud huts (called the slums), and most live near one another because all but one are Congolese. Before visiting, Christine and I went to the hospital to see one of her friends. It was the first hospital I've been to here, and I wasn't sure what to expect. Christine had told me she was 'scissored', which made me cringe - but I know she meant she had surgery. I'll tell you one thing, I was NOT expecting to be met with the most beautiful 22 year old girl in a hospital bed when we entered her room. She had just had her appendix taken out and was recovering. Mariam's smile was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and her cheeks were glowing. Although her smile was weak... it sure was breathtaking. I prayed over her as Christine interpreted. I had to pray for strength to get through it without crying. 

We then walked on to where our women live. We met about 4 of our women in their homes, and we ran into a couple people we had relations with. I again had the opportunity to pray over each of them with Christine's wonderful translation.

I had been asking for my eyes to see what He sees. 

And for my heart to be broken for what breaks His.

My eyes were filling with tears through out all of outreach. Seeing their living conditions and receiving their prayer requests couldn't have been described as making me 'sad'. My heart was genuinely b r e a k i n g. The thing that boggles my mind, is how the Lord pours so much love out of a broken heart. 

My eyes and heart got a little taste of what He sees/feels. I was overwhelmed and had to keep blinking a lot to soak up my tears and keep them from running down. 
I bet one or two of you know what I'm talking about there 

Our second to last visit was with a couple of women who didn't work with us. One of them had a few extra additions to her family because they had no where else to go. She pointed to her mud hut to explain one the children was in there. As I turned around, out ran the little boy chasing a plastic bag in the wind. He came over to greet us but didn't talk. When he greeted me, he didn't let go of my hand. He didn't look at me either.. but he held on to my hand. I was soon holding his one tiny hand with both of mine. His frame was so small and hands were so fragile. My heart again.. sweetly broken.

DEVOTION

This past week I also had the opportunity to stay at the girls home for their devotion they have every night. Sheesh - as if outreach wasn't moving enough, I found myself in a room filled with 17 girls praising our Savior with closed eyes, raised hands, shuffling feet, swaying hips, and one incredible beat dropped by Veronica (one of the girls) on their drum. Hearing their free voices singing brought on more tears. When it was time to pray, they all prayed at once. There is something about listening to 17 precious girls' prayers quietly pouring out of their mouths that all repeatedly started with "Baba, asante". I don't know much Swahili, but I have learned that means "Father, thank you..." My heart was tenderly broken, again.

Bite size kid stories of the week: 

- Welp. I scared my first kid! While walking through the slums for outreach, I had walked past a little girl who couldn't have been older than 2. She took one look at me and horror was written all over her face. She screamed and raannn to her mama's side! While I felt terrible for scaring her with my skin color, I was appreciating the comic relief. (=

- I also had my first little one fall asleep in my arms. Dear little baby Sarita. I was watching her and Stephen while their mom went to the clinic. She was resting in my lap and before I knew it I felt her breath be more steady and softer than before. My heart was melting. 

- I had my first hug from a random little girl! Her mom had seen me in the distance as I was walking to a boda, and because I was white and a girl, she automatically referred to me as Auntie. Her name was Stella, and her daughter's name was Patience. I knelt down and swung my arms wide open as Stella said "give auntie a hug!" Patience was maybe 2 years old and just the most precious thing!

My prayer: to fiercely love without reserve. 

Love the women. Love the girls. Love the staff. Love this town. 

WITHOUT RESERVE  

an audience of One

Tonight I found myself leaving a hotel on the back of a boda who I just met a few days ago (Loca, you'll hear more about him below) having just met the US Ambassador in Uganda  ... looking up at the star-filled sky on a cool night and actually familiar with the way to get home. 

God is good.
                                       All the time.
                                                                                   And all the time.

God is good.

I cannot believe it's already been over a week and a half since I've arrived! I am feeling much better than when I last posted. Things are still challenging, but I am steadily finding my ground here. I am getting more familiar with the town and how to live here. I can physically feel my faith pushing past its limits - and boy is it a work out! I try to express my feelings in analogies (I know Maceface feels me on that one!) to my friends and family. I feel like the past week I have been rock climbing. But instead of having a physical harness keeping me from falling, I have the Lord. There has always been the 'just in case' comfort of safety/stability in my heart and around me. While practically everything is stripped from me, I am able to need the Lord more than I ever have before. And I've learned to cherish and embrace that.

Steph (older sister) told me the other day that I have an audience of ONE. And that is Him. I have truly struggled with others' thoughts of me and performing properly. He gracefully revealed that to me this summer and is happy to scrape it off my heart and replace it with truth. Knowing that He is my only audience restores truth in my heart. I am not performing for others but living for Him. How I live over here, interact with the women/children/staff/locals - is all for Him. How I serve - is all for Him. And the best part? He's not a sneaky critic. He will let me know HIS expectations for me. Not my expectations of what I should be feeling/doing.. or anybody else's. Another truth He is reminding me of: He is SIMPLE. I get so wrapped up in lofty thoughts or theological questions which I rattle off to Him at a rate like I haven't spoken in years. I wonder if He thinks, 'goodness girl - slow down!'


God is a God of transformation. I am transforming right now, and I can feel it. I quickly feel the need to write down all of what I'm feeling/transforming into because I never want to forget it.. did you catch what I just did there? I'm negating the transformation. By feeling the need to jog my memory by reading it on a paper completely lacks confidence in what the Lord did through the transformation .. TRANSFORM ME. I still write to process things, but He will lead me in it. He will permanently transform me. I yearn to have each action be a reaction to the continual transformation from the grace of the Gospel.

Another thing He is surfacing in my heart/mind and wishes to scrape away is my fear. Fear is crippling and drives many unwanted emotions and thoughts that only make the enemy happy - who wants to do that? uh.. not me. (= By ridding myself of fear I reveal previously unrecognized potential. 

If I could describe my experience here so far in a picture.. it'd be this one. This summer marked the first that Faith was able to go off the diving board at the pool! Of course she had seen many people do it, but there's nothing like jumping off into deep waters surrendering all.

Since I have a larger audience of readers for my blog.. here are some stories/tidbits from the past week:

* Wednesday I was able to learn from Flora, one of the women with Zion Project, (she speaks english pretty well!) how to roll a certain type of bead. It was wonderful just to sit and be with the women, even if our words were few. My heart is settling in (=

* I live in the guesthouse with Sarah and Janet. Janet has two precious ones of her own (Stephen and Sarita) and is temporarily watching a littler one (Emmanuel/Emmy) until he is adopted. Sarita can't speak as much, but Stephen's mouth can run! However, I don't understand a lick of what he's saying unless he wants my attention and says "Auntie Auntie!" So I tossed speaking human language out the window and now communicate with him in animals noises. It goes like this:

me "meeeoowww"

him "meeeooowww"

me "oink oink!!"

 him "oink..." and is then interrupted by his contagious laughter.

   

Works out nicely, don'tchya think?

Just chillen with the rooms (Stephen in my stunnashades)

* Kids will point and shout or whisper "mzungu! mzungu!" which means white person. Some will reach out their hands just to touch you. I feel like part celebrity and part (bigger part) alien. (which Faith calls me when the Skype connection isn't the greatest)

* I was riding with Loca (the boda driver mentioned above) on Wednesday to get to the rescue home. Now, I don't normally try to hold a conversation while riding because: I'm mainly focusing on holding ON (but getting used to using that time for an ab workout to sit up straight and stay on) + the wind makes it hard for me to hear them + even when I CAN hear them, sometimes it's difficult for me to understand them =  lack of conversing. We are almost to the rescue home when Loca says:

"Why you no happy?"

"I am happy! Why do you think that?"

"You're not talking.. I want you to be happy like I am happy!"

Alright confession - here is why I wasn't talking. Sarah and I had just watched an episode of Once Upon a Time while we waited for the tropical downpour to pass... annnnd Prince Charming was dancing around my thoughts. What a stud! Now I know it's not good for my heart to dwell on things like that, so I started praying for MY prince charming. Yeah.. sound weird? Welcome to the world of my brain. Instead of daydreaming of a fictional character, I tried to spend my thoughts on praying for a REAL character that will soon come in some chapter of my fairy tale. 

Sorry Loca! I am happy! Promise!

* I have eggs for breakfast, beans and posho normally for lunch, and Sarah has been cooking wonderful food for dinner! Recently I've been able to make a nutella banana melt (go figure.. the first thing I make is a dessert), pb banana  yogurt smoothie, and avocado pasta! 

Simple

Sarah ahead of us on our way to the girl's home!

(more pictures to come on facebook!)

Remember when I said I was praying to be 80% funded by my departure? Welp.. guess who was OVER 80% FUNDED BY THEN?! That's right. This girl right here. So here's what I think - God is strong. We all know this. But I think sometimes God wants to flex His muscles. He's got muscles, but He is a gentleman who will wait to be asked to flex them. He's not showing off, but yet showing US His power.

"and we know that in ALL things God works for the Good of those who LOVE Him, who have been called according into His purpose" - Romans 8:28

touchdowwnn africa!!

{disclaimer: this is a long one!}

Hello dear friends and family! I haaaave arrived! It was quite a journey getting here and is even more of an adventure actually being here. Thank you for all of the support and prayers lately, they have been wonderful! I was hoping to put up more pictures/videos of my travels but I'm trying to work out kinks on the technological side. Hopefully soon, though!

As Monday came, I was getting nervous about the goodbyes I would have to make while I set out for this adventure. I found that with each one, there was a huge sense of peace that lit up my heart - letting me know it was okay to let go.

[ Comic relief is also the ultimate ingredient to a smooth send off.  I told Faith I wouldn't be allowed on the plane if I brought certain things in my carryon bag because security would count it is as a weapon. "So will they just kick you out of the plane in the air?" ]

I went on to London for my 12 hour layover and spent some time with dad and Gillian. It was so great to see them both. Dad and I got some whippies (ice cream) and more things for my trip (including biscuits and chocolate!). He made delicious chicken parm for all of us. Before I knew it we were back at the airport and hit with my last goodbye. 

There it was! My final step in getting to Uganda! I could hardly sleep on either of the planes. And that is when a good chunk of what I was doing hit me. All of the preparation, running errands, fundraising, and visiting was finished. I had done all I could to set myself up over here. 

Little did I know, there was absolutely no preparation for what I was entering into. 

Yes, my visa, tickets, phone... logistics were almost flawless. I read about culture shock, entered into it slightly going to France and Italy - but nothing like this. As soon as I found my wonderful driver, we were on our way into the city of Kampala. I have never been the only American that I could see. We got my phone, internet, money, and were on our way. I was still pretty excited at this point. 

We had about 5 hours of driving ahead of us on one red dirt road filled with pot holes. We didn't exchange too many words, which was partially because I was beat. But mostly it was the culture shock that was hitting me like a ton of bricks every time I gazed out the window. I was doing my best to take in the beauty of the trees and far-out land. Once I got to my final destination of Gulu, I was met by Sarah (another volunteer working with Zion Project) - boy was I excited to see her! As we moved my luggage pieces (aka half my house) in, the reality was settling in more and more. Once I got into my room, it was settling in more than I would've liked. My heart and mind became raw.

Mom and dad were checking in, and I couldn't lie to their first question: so how are you?

Truthfully - not great. I was genuinely frightened, missing home more than I knew possible, and felt deserted. (I know.. not exactly what you want to hear from your daughter on another continent) Sarita and Christine warned me of feelings I would hit, but I didn't think they'd come this fast. 

I have never clung to Him so tightly. I have never been brought to this place spiritually (or physically!) and most of it scares me. But there is a decent piece of me that is excited to be feeling all of these things. It has never felt so good to be so real and raw with the Lord. 

Was any of this a surprise to the Lord? OF COURSE NOT! He knew everything I'd be thinking/feeling/lacking in Gulu before He even made me. And want to know the best part? He has already claimed victory over this path. Joy will come. His glory will be shining. My heart will look more like His. <------   YES!

I am getting more used to things day by day. Through this thunder cloud I'm pushing through with Him, He's graciously piercing it with bits of sunshine:

** Sarah has been a THE BIGGEST blessing and teaching me how everything goes around here. She is incredible and has so much patience for all of my questions.

** I have gone to the girls' home a few times and they are just precious. I am now called "Auntie Britt" - pronounced "Auntie Breeet" (= I had hugs, girls playing with my hair and wanting to paly before I knew it. I hear 'auntie! auntie!' and respond! 

** The women I have met with ZP have been so welcoming! (along with every other person I meet)

** I rode on my first motorcycle! That's how they get around here, on bodas!

** I've always wanted a canopy.. a mosquito net is close enough (;

** The trees here are so interesting! I cannot wait to post pictures of them. One should be in a Dr. Seuss movie.

** The love and support coming from my friends and family is nothing less than incredible. 

... to name just a few!

I so badly want it to be a few weeks later when I can say I've fallen in love with Gulu, know how things work, and am on track with how I am serving. I am quickly reminded of what Sarita said when she spoke in Harrisonburg last spring "God loves you just as much as He loves the people you are serving. He wants to work on you too." (going off of memory, not word for word) Right now He is growing me more than I can even see or feel, and I am so thankful. I need to endure this valley and I won't know when I'm out until He wants me to know.

This is how He works. He brings us to places we've never been before. He makes it so HE is the only one I can lean into. And you know why? because He loves me. He's not satisfied where my heart is. He wants to grow me. He wants to take me on this crazy wild adventure even if I'm robbed of my personality or security temporarily. And oh.. by the way - HE WANTS TO USE ME. I am honored to be here.

Some nuggets of truth given to me by sweet friends/family I have been holding tight to:

"... Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you." - Hebrews 13:5

It's not going to be easy, but it is going to be beautiful.

I need to start crawling, 

                    then move up to walking, 

                                        then running, 

                                                   then s p r i n t i n g after His glory. 

There is no way our power or control can advance us a mere inch, it is all by God's provision that we can grow at all.

You don't have to be strong... just be a little kid clinging to her daddy's leg.

(=

africa or bust!

If you know me pretty well, there's a good chance you know that...

1. My eyelash curler is my favorite tool

or that... 

2. I will put peanut butter in/on/around just about anything

and maybe even that...

3. I lack judgement in the packing department 

I could write about how curling my eyelashes while driving scared my friends when I took them to school in the morning.. 

or about how only my little sister Grace is the only one who will try my
oatmeal/pb/jelly/yogurt heated up for 30 seconds concoction...
(it's to die for if you ask me)

But mostly what has been getting to me lately is packing. Before traveling to Italy and France for a few weeks last summer, I had to unload half of my bags in London at my dad's because I packed too much. woops I have been mentally preparing to physically pack for a while. There has been a pile slowly growing from things I've gathered through out the summer. I knew that my sisters and brothers were coming in this weekend, so I was trying to get all packed before then.

After 5 space-saver bags, 4 luggage pieces being sat on, and a few dramatic excuses to take some breaks... I am finally packed! What a huge relief! My mom, Steph, Nins and I had a process down to stuff those space-saver bags efficiently. (well... Nins was mainly serving as the comic relief)

my clothes for 9 months - woop woop!

This past Monday I visited the happiest place on earth - aka, JMU!! - and was able to meet up with a number of wonderful people! Tuesday and Wednesday I went to Lynchburg to visit my sisters and brother(in law.. same thing!) I got my hair cut at Steph's salon, Sage Tryall Salon, so I can better manage it in Africa. PRAISE THE LORD! Shannon took me flying, and Nina took me to a crossfit gym for the first time. I'll have to be creative on keeping in shape over there...

I was asked to bring 17 sweatshirts over for the girls, so I posted my needs on Facebook. My heart was so warmed at the people who were willing to donate/run out and get some! The Lord has been providing in His time with different resources and it is beautiful. I have been praying to be 80% funded by Monday.. and I'm getting pretty darn close! People have been asking how they can donate without me even initiating - the Lord is so good.

Today my sisters (all of them, including lola!), mom and I went to get our nails done before I leave! I will be soaking in this precious time with my family today, and tomorrow. 

Tomorrow night I will be seeing Rascal Flatts rockin' out on stage! What else do people do their last night in the states before living in Africa for 9 months? 

I cannot wait (=

My flight takes off Monday night, Tuesday I'll be with my dad for the layover in London, and I'll be arriving in Kampala Wednesday morning, their time. I'll be met by a gentleman with my name on a board, and ride with him 5 hours up to Gulu. I cannot believe it's so soon! Each morning I wake up feeling like it's Christmas! I have had so many emotions I don't know what to do with, so I just give them over to the Lord. He has continuously been dipping my heart in His incredible peace, and I am so thankful.

"And the peace of the God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:7

Amen. 

If you would like to know how to donate or know more about my journey, shoot me an email at bdunay6@gmail.com !!


Happy Saturday!