While journaling this morning in my sister and brother-in-love's guest room after some sweet Jesus time, I took some time to rest. As I was lying on my left side, right hand tucked under my left rib, I felt a strong pulse.
My heart? No.. I know from watching The Grinch (animation) that it's a little higher and more centered. My first thought, "I need to ask Emily (K. or B.) what artery runs right there". I can only feel it that strongly if I'm lying just like that. With each beat, blood is pumped through my body.
Jesus knows when the time will come that the beating will stop - and that may be today at some point. But for now, it's beating. God is not a purposeless God, so with each beat there is a purpose.
My desire is to follow Him with passion and live out my purpose beat to beat. If I follow that line of thinking, I cannot 'hold my breath' so-to-speak. I used to think that I cannot fully live until the next to-do is crossed of my list. I have to hold my breath until this next exam is over, or until the deadline is met, or until I finally get to my destination of Gulu, Uganda - then I can freely live.
Jesus says - NOPE! "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" John 10:10
I have been trying to identify satan more, so that I am able to fight him. I have now identified that satan wants me to hold my breath until the next checkpoint. This robs me of living life to its fullest. Right when I arrive at my destination, there will always be another one right up ahead. Sooner or later I'll find myself constantly holding me breath, checkpoint to checkpoint, and eventually walking around without a heartbeat. (he came to steal, kill, and destroy)
I want to live out each beat to the fullest.
I desire to live month to month week to week day to day beat to beat.
I am free from the need to respond to his nagging to hold my breath. I am free to live beat to beat. Through out these next 3 months before I depart to Uganda I want to live just as much as I will when I am at my destination. I want to take joy in the preparation and not be weighted down by it. I want to rip open then wrap myself with His gift to me to have life, and have it to the full.
Love,
receiver of the greatest gift
